Yes, I knew I wanted to go on this trip about intercultural exchange to southern Senegal. I had never been to Senegal or the African continent and felt a curiosity and excitement to have this new experience. I definitely wanted to go.

But boy, it wasn’t easy to make the decision. Some well-outdated inhabitants of my mind tried very hard to keep me where I was. In this article, I share some of my aged beliefs around motherhood, about a need to spend my time and energy usefully and my work ethos. Three self-imposed rules that don’t serve me anymore. Here’s how they showed themselves. And how I broke them.

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Do you ever hear yourself ever say: ‘But I don’t have the time! How on earth can I go after my personal goals and desires in order to create a happy professional life when I have barely time to breath? No thank you, no extra tasks for my chockful schedule.’

I know it. This voice can sound really true. So true that you might believe in it. Maybe you really think it’s impossible for you to start investing time and energy in pursuit of your own dreams and desires. You feel crammed with work, family duties and going to the vet with your daughter’s sick cat. The stress that accompanies this feeling does feel very real to you. And so does the exhaustion that comes with it.

However, you might also ask yourself these questions: ‘Is it true? Can I absolutely know that it’s true that I don’t have the time to work on my personal goals? Or is there a possibility that I made it up and it’s not more than a thought in my head?’

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Maybe you have already admitted it to yourself: you don’t like your job. Or maybe you are more the Melly Shum type (from the artwork on one of the corners of the Witte de Withstreet in Rotterdam): you are still smiling, no matter how bad you feel about your work. And then -in a rare flash of total honesty with yourself- you realize you haven’t been happy for quite some time. And that you haven’t done a single thing to change this situation.

A little bit painful to admit? Painful it is. You’d rather perceive yourself as the one who always takes full responsibility for her own happiness and who takes appropriate action when things have gone off-track. We all prefer that image.

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Dafne Schippers for gold! In the weeks before the Olympic Games, it seemed as if the Dutch newspapers couldn’t write about anything else but Schippers’ golden race. And then it didn’t happen. Elaine Thompson beat her. Schippers had to reconcile herself with the silver medal. That wasn’t an easy job.

Let me be clear: goals are a very useful tool to help you keep your focus on what you want to achieve and keep track of the progress you’re making. However, there’s also a drawback that’s often disguised and hard to spot. I’m sharing here my personal top three pitfalls while working on my goals and how you can avoid them.

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“Faster! Faster! You’re not moving fast enough. It is almost July!” By now I should have launched my first group program, become crystal clear on my focus for CarolienTV and delivered my first afternoon workshop on what it is talented professionals truly desire for themselves. And look where I’m at!

Grrrr! There’s some frustration here. And I know this thread of thinking doesn’t help me at all. Let’s take a deep breath and pause for a second to see whether I can move into something different. How about something that does support me?

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It’s about starting and trusting. That’s what every task, job, scary new path is about.

So here they are. The first couple of paragraphs for my new blog post. And it’s true: starting and trusting is what it takes. Starting to write my very first article in English. And trusting myself that I’ll find a way. No matter what doubts and fears might come up.

And yes, they are here. Big time. Of course they are. Doubts and fears will always be around. I don’t expect them to vanish magically from my life. But it’s up to me whether I let myself be led by them.

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“Mom, let’s first go to the most important thing.” My four-year-old son Alt pulls me by the arm. I secretly want to turn to the right to catch a glimpse of the cute polar bear twins. But Alt tells me to keep walking. He’s right. We’re at the Zoo to see the newborn baby elephant. Not the polar bear twins, so we keep walking.

Alt shows me something very important here: to go to the most important thing first and not try to fit in more through the back door.

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Follow your joy — that’s all that is needed. And if I’m having fun, then I know I’m on the right track. I can’t wish for a simpler and more pleasant guideline.

Whoa! Stop. Reality check. When I look back at my 15 years of work life, I can see that there have been long periods in which joy could hardly be found. Yes, I was working hard, I felt committed to the large projects I initiated and as a result I did achieve a lot.

But experiencing real joy while working is something different. I was not able to experience that joy. I didn’t even know what it felt like.

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